By Terescia Harvey

Telling

Example » Nick was angry.

This is easy. I, the author, am telling you, the reader, that Nick is angry.

That wasn’t hard to spot, was it?

What makes this a bad thing? For one, if it’s used too often in a story, it keeps the reader at a distance from what the character feels. If the reader cannot experience the emotions of the characters by reading your words, the reader will move on to someone else’s story, someone who knows that to keep the reader interested she (or he) must bring drama and life into the character’s world with powerful words and phrases.

Showing

Example » Nick’s hand curled into a tight fist. He stared hard at the man standing in front of him, and his eyes narrowed to thin slits. A muscle in his jaw ticked. “You dare to question my honor?”

The preceding passage contains nothing that an observer couldn’t have seen or inferred from outside the characters. That’s showing in its most elemental form. The writer acts as if she (or he) is sitting outside the characters and taking notes about what she (or he) sees and hears, tastes and smells, touches and feels. Everything happens outside the characters.

In this instance, I would hope that my word choice gave you a hint (okay, more than a hint) that Nick is angry. But…sometimes, the situation begs for more information. That’s where the next bit comes in.

Mixing and Matching

Example » Nick’s hand curled into a tight fist, his anger swelling up from his chest, threatening to choke him with bitterness. He stared hard at the man standing in front of him, and his eyes narrowed to thin slits. A muscle in his jaw ticked. His brother had not changed, not one damn bit in the past two years that he’d been abroad. “You dare to question my honor?” Nick bit out, wanting desperately to smash his fist into the side of Robert’s head. He held back. His mother would not like to see her favored son knocked to the ground.

See? I think it adds depth to mix and match the showing and telling. Too much telling distances the reader. Too much showing can have the same effect, leaving the reader with the feeling that she (or he) never really got to know that character, never found out what made him tick.

And in romance, character is everything.

© Terescia Harvey

by Brenda Hill

As writers, we dream of awed people asking about our books. And in our dreams, we dazzle them with a fascinating narrative that’ll keep them spellbound and eager to dash out to buy our books.

I had that dream too. Then I woke to a humiliating experience because I was unprepared. I didn’t have a tagline.

A tagline can be defined as:

A summary
A premise
A one-line slogan

While condensing a novel to, say, three dynamic paragraphs for a query or a back-cover blurb is torturous enough, cutting it even further into a catchy one- or two-liner tagline is nightmare material. Not only does it have to brief, but it must hint of the theme, tone, characters, problem, and you must make it interesting and powerful enough to entice readers into buying your book.

Simple, isn’t it?

Sure. As another writer said, “It’s like opening a vein.”

But it’s something, no matter how painstaking, you should do.

My determination to write a tagline was the result of a simple question:

“What is your book about?”

My first novel, Ten Times Guilty, had just been released, and I was admiring it over lunch at my local Denny’s, almost hugging it to me in glee, flying so high I felt sure I could touch the stars. When a woman on her way to the cashier saw my book and stopped to ask THE question, I hadn’t prepared something short and catchy, so I rambled on and on, trying to remember my three-paragraph blurb. But the more I talked, the less I remembered, so I started rambling. When I noticed her eyes starting to glaze, I babbled on, trying to ‘fix’ what I’d said by explaining even more.

Finally, she mumbled something and ran out the restaurant. I think, in her haste to escape me, she sailed right past the cashier. Staring after her, I felt so humiliated that I gathered my things and left as well. I waited a few moments at the door, though; I didn’t want that poor woman to think I was chasing after her.

Oh, talk about nightmarish times, but after that, I was determined to research taglines and learn how to write them. I wanted something I could spout when asked THE question, something that would cause them open their mouths in awe and demand, “Where can I get a copy? I MUST read your book.”

When I got online, I found some great taglines that I liked, so I copied them, and, using them as examples, I practiced writing my own. It took page after page after page of revisions, of writing the high points of my novel and cutting, condensing, and smoothing before I was satisfied. I never did reach the perfection of a one-liner, but I was happy with the final two sentences:

Ten Times Guilty…

…about a single mother’s struggle for worth after a vicious attack. It’s about a police sergeant seeking redemption for a crime he didn’t realize he had committed—until the victim died.

I’m still working on one for my new novel, Beyond the Quiet, due to be released in February 2009:

Lisa Montgomery thought her husband’s death was the worst that could happen—until she discovers his secret post office box.

Another attempt:

…it’s about a woman who struggles through grief, loss, betrayal, and rage, learning to cherish each moment and follow her long-buried dreams. It’s the story of how a quiet, passionless widow becomes spirited enough to climb onto her lover’s shoulders for a piggyback ride in the nude.

I’ll do more rewriting, but at least I have a starting point. Practice writing your own, so that you’ll look and sound like the professional you are when someone asks THE question.

Some examples I loved:

Wide Awake (1998)
Struggling to adjust to his beloved grandfather’s death, a boy seeks understanding of God, life and injustice.

When Secrets Kill (1997)
A man is suspected of killing his daughter’s birth mother, whose unexpected arrival shatters the family.

Notice how they’re short but punchy, and at the same time they’re very precise. And when writing your own, remember to include:

1) Who is the story about?
2) What do they want?
3) What is the problem or conflict?

Remember, as writers, we need to paint a picture with words.

Look at the following, two of the best taglines I’ve seen:

A minister’s wife confronts her long-buried past when her illegitimate daughter shows up after twenty years.

Can’t you just see the wife and want to know the story behind the tagline? Doesn’t that make you ask questions?

Why did she give up her daughter?
Is her husband a strict, non-conforming husband?
Does she live in a small-judgmental town?
And her daughter. How will her daughter feel?
Will she harshly judge her mother? Will she be warm to her mother or will she be resentful?

And this one:

Two brothers fight on opposite sides in the Civil War and come face to face on a battlefield.

Who doesn’t want to know what happens? That situation has everything for high drama, yet it has to be heartbreaking. A perfect tag.

So we all need to read them and study how they were done, and do the same with ours. And we can. After all, we’re writers.

© Brenda Hill